Resume revisions

My resume is boring. It doesn't even begin to capture the real me. This could be why I'm having trouble finding a job, because my resume makes it sound like I only have a selection of mainstream skills.

I'm thinking of making up a new resume that includes all of my special skills. I'm not sure what sort of job it would land me, but I'm guessing I'd really like the people who hired me. Help me decide which of the following deserves to be included in my updated resume.

1) I can juggle. (Everyone should know how to juggle.)

2) I can walk on stilts. (Not as useful, but a fun party trick. If there are stilts available.)

3) I cut hair. (I've been cutting hair for years, and have yet to lop anyone's ear off or cause them to wear a hat for weeks.)

4) I drive a stick shift. (I'm always surprised at the number of people who can't.)

5) I'm a pretty good cook, and when I am happy in a workplace I often bring in treats I've baked. (Who doesn't want a snack wench on board?)

6) I remember to water plants. (This speaks to my meticulous nature, don't you think?)

7) I know CPR, the Heimlich manuever, and the "Stop, Drop and Roll" song. (Safety is my middle name.)

8) My Christmas shopping is always done by August. (Project Manager, anyone?)

9) I'm good at fixing things. (This skill is pretty much all that stands between me and Chickadee deciding she doesn't need me any more.)

10) I sing in a church choir but tell the entire internet intimate details about my vagina. (What workplace doesn't value diversity?) (Side note, what details about my vagina wouldn't be intimate, exactly?)

There are probably more that I'm forgetting. But look at that! Ten important skills, right off the top of my head! I should have job offers pouring in in no time.